I’ve talked a lot here about my history with depression and especially how the gospel broke the chains of my sin. It’s been four years almost and I was thinking back to that time--when I was drinking deeply from my sinful desires instead of Christ. During this period I often defiantly spoke to God (the God I told people I wasn’t even sure existed). I touched on this in an article “How David Bazan Saved Me.” I’m not the only one. Read through the Psalms and listen to how David speaks with God. If you’ve never pulled back when reading the Psalms you’re missing the gist. Here’s a smattering of passages from the Psalms.
Why, O Lord, do you stand far away?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.
O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath!
For your arrows have sunk into me,
and your hand has come down on me.
There is no soundness in my flesh
because of your indignation
O God, you have rejected us, broken our defenses;
you have been angry; oh, restore us. . . .
You have made your people see hard things;
you have given us wine to drink that made us stagger.
Psalms 60:1, 3
I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God. . . .
When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.
Psalms 69:3, 9-13
To be honest, I would be embarrassed to tell you specifically some of the things I said to God and accused God of. The irony of speaking to a God who I professed not to believe in never hit me during the moment. All I knew is that I was hurting and it didn’t feel like God cared much. I’m not saying blasphemy God. Choose your words wisely but let’s be honest God can take it.
Some of you are hurting and you need to blow off some steam to God. You need to let him have it all. You need to be frank. Tell him you feel like he’s abandoned you. Tell him people who hate him seem to prosper while you’re suffering. Tell him you don’t understand how he can be good and allow suffering. Don’t be afraid